18/05/07 The Big Gay Night Out

we decided to go to the gay district for a night out. why not.

we kicked the night of in a seedy park with some beers and gin. (were not skint honest)

We went to one place and tagged along to a gay karaoke bar, with some gays. Marie sang like a virgin (madonna) with the gayest U.S soldier guy calld geremy.

here he is!

Marie with a Korean/Japanese.

we went to a club afterwards called aparently "awi fawi" with some guys (japanese) got there and it was called aRty faRty. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

was really fun.

We got the train home at 6 in the morning, I called an english guy a wanker and then fell asleep over this poor japanese guy on the train. How happy does he look?

Got home and seen these pensioners doing exercoises outside the city hall. marie joined in.

Chewy Squid

MMmmm My favorite. lunch today (17th). was a slap of squid about 4cm by 12cm. I was dreading eating it. The kids have to finish all thier meal, so i do too. It was so chewy, like rubber. You know the feeling when you chew a bit of steak with fatty bits. It makes you retch. that but 100 time worse. No mattet how hard you try to forget what your eating, your brain is saying"slimy chewy squid, with tentacles and shit". I looked up and every kid at my table was bokin (how do you spell that ??????). Totally Gross

Homework

The kids at my normal school are mad for looking up the dictionary and shouting the words out. Like everyone did. Penis Sex and Masterbate are amongst the favorites, i dont mind, but the jap teacher panics a bit.
Anyway the jap teacher asks the kids "did you do your home work?". This brave little bastard shout "no". so the jap teacher asks "why not" his reply was "i was playing video games instead" WOW. My hero.

Elementary School

Somtimes I have tp teach at a primary school. And I can say I though high school was crazy. This was like I had been smoking crack. The kids were 8 and didnt speak a word of english. I was their first teacher.
The kids were actually hanging if me; my arms , hair, pulling on my trousers and one boy was trying to swing from my tie. So at that stage I realised I had lost all dicipline and respect. It was a bit freaky, I taught the classes alone. at stages kids would just come to the front and want to give me 5.

During the calss i got the kids to do games and shit like that. and they actually learned what i wanted them to.
"hi , my name is.........."
"oh, nice to meet you................"
"My name is ..............."
"nice to meet you too"

Which is actually pretty fucking hard for them, think we all took french or german for 3/4 years and we couldnt say that in the languages we learned. maybe i could but i am great.

At the end of the class i had prepared a worksheet (sounds boring) I got the kids to line up for a very good stamp. The did. I jokingly pretented to put one on a kids head, but he lunged forward; like he wante it. He wanted one on his hand, i thought harmless. Then all the kids wanted it. went with it. At one stage i though maybe i shouldnt, i looked at the jap teacher and he was smilling so i thought fuck it. They all got stamps. Then I was taking stuff off the blackboard. I turned round and the kids had very good stamped all over their faces. They were liking the stamps and stamping each other. Total madness.

MICROPHONE HEAD
I had 1 class with 100 kids in the gym. just played some games. I had a mic so did the jap teacher. he had his back to me and was explaining something. the same group of 5 kids were hanging around my feet, as they had been the whole day.
I turned on my mic and cracked one kid on the head wit it. made a real cool sound. so i did it to all the kids. The jap teacher stopped talking and checked his mic, he thought his was making the noise. we had a bit of fun doing it again and again. he kept checking his, batteries and all.

Sweets Paradise (12/05/07)

My favorite place in the whole of Tokyo.
Its an all you can eat restuarant, except only cakes, ice cream, fizzy juice. Its on the 7th floor of a shopping centre, which is its saving grace, as it acts as a deterent for fat people, who would put it out of business.
So for £6 you can have your cake and eat it, or not because when you have finished you juat take another. It lasts for 70mins, they give you a reciept with the time you came in and they check it on the way out.
So imagine all the different types of cakes you can (about 20 types), including big fuck off gateus and cream cakes. And the ice cream is a help yourself mr whippy machine.
I felt like the fat german kid from charlie and the chocolate factory "oompa". Oh I forgot the "mall" was only for girls clothes. most of whom are so conserved nibbling on 1 or 2 pieces of cake. I had 3 mountains of icecream, 2 heaps of cake, 2 coffees, a couple of glasses of green juice. To help explain the size of my plates of cake, may i qoute miss marie yngbrants reaction "oh fuck me!"I could hardly walk after it. and didnt eat the rest of the day.

The suicide 10/05/07

This is maybe a bit grusome, so dont read it if you get shocked.

So I was standing at the train staion today at 7:05 am. When a express train which doesnt stop at my staion was appoaching. Then all of a sudden a huge bang!! and the train shreeks its horn.

Then all of a sudden, these rocks started flying into my platform at around stomach height. The rocks where hurling past, harder than you could trow them. The rocks were from the train tracks you know the ones around the tracks, about the size of eggs. there was maybe 10 people on my platform and we had to dive behind pillars, to avoid the rocks, they could truly have killed someone, they smashed all the signs on the platform.

So after it had calmed down, I thought fuck, some one has put rocks on the track or the train has scraped the platform! The train was going at about 70mph. I had a look up the track where the train came from and nothing was there, just lots of rocks lying around. Then I looked at the tracks infront of me , There was an arm. Then a little further a womans mangled body. about 2 metres from me. Serious some one jumped infront of the train right across from me. People started screaming, then some people ran away. I dont know why but i walked over to were the body was. guess I thought she was maybe still alive, a japanese guy came too. we had a look and no way was she alive her whole body was twisted at the waist. we just stood and looked at each other.
It was really unreal. Funny thing I wasnt to fussed about seeing it. Strange!

Akihabara (electric town)

you can actually buy anything electric here! Its crazy, so much technology!

The Biggest Fish Market in the World, Take 2 (this time it was open)

This place was amazing, huge. you could even pick an alive fish and have it killed. Any type of fish and it was probably there! have you ever seen the size of a tuna, my god!
Ice block man and a ghost!






Basket of fish heads any one!

Some old guys hangin out!

Tuna, they are huge!

Things I found funny or wierd

Hostess club, for about £15 you can spend 40 mins with these beautys. i like the one in the middle with vampire teeth


Maybe the most exciting park in the world: 1 slide, nothing else


These are sweets, honestly. they are even sugar tasting.


Let me introduce you to the world of alky/alkie shoes. they are every where in Japan


Found these alkys in a park, had to take aphoto. they sit around drinking sake al day. have you ever noticed that no one has a better tan than an alky. the guy in the middle is eating tuna from a can with his fingers. he really doesnt give a shit.


This is a internet room, you can sleep there, shower, call, watch tv and of course go on the internet. If you miss your last train home, great place to spend the night 12:00 till 08:00 is only about a tenner.


This restaurant was only open between 5 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon.


Mmmm, enough said.

Plimsoles

Of date since, August 2006 I've had approx 8 pairs of plimsoles. known in different circles as 2 bob slidders, pavement slappers, minks nikes, amoung others. to pay tribute to the plimsole I am going to start a plimsole tour of Tokyo. Which is really funny caus you should see the Japanese when i take my shoe of, hold it in the air and take a photo of it. so here we go.

Biggest Fish Market in the world

As organised as ever we went to the biggest fish market in the world 53acres, selling, all types of fish dead and alive. We went on a public holiday and it was closed.

We walked through the delivery gates, not sure if we were allowed but, they would be too scared to tell us otherwise. this is what we saw. the largest fish market in the world minus the fish.

03/05/07

The greatest thing in Japan so far!!!!

Sumo Stable. these are the places were sumo wrestlers live, train and eat and eat and eat. somtimes they let people come into watch training, but rarely non japanese. we got in. at 8 in the morning. The room was tiny. about 5 metres by 5. around 10 sumos and 3 trainers sitting watching and us. was really amazing.

There was none of thnormal sumo boring stuff like stamping, throwing salt and that. all they did was fight basically the winner stays on.

Ohh and you werent aloud cameras, I got some sneaky ones in though how could i not.

02/05/07

Watched the girls basket ball practise today. I was bombarded with questions.
Who is a famous scottish? (they didnt even know sean connery)
Which is your favorite movie?
Do you play sex?
When you play sex, do you finish first or second?
Do you have long penis?
Then one shouts mitchell ha long penis.

Fuckin hell what a situation. my answers where, only joking. i didnt say anything. they are mad.


later the same day, i went to basball practise. and the boys where saying "i want to hold your tits" all of themlike 20, repeatedly. so I did what any selfrespecting english teacher would of done. pointed out that you dont say hold your tits you say feel your tits. they almost pissed thier pants laughing.
Then one shy kid comes up and says i like d cup.
shoot me now, please.

01/05/07

Cleaning time.
There are no cleaners in japanese schools, the kids clean everything toilets and all.
Its my favorite time caus the kids are at thier craziest. They can chat to me freely. One kid said to me I see Movie, American. They say, I want to hold your tits Ms Anika. I couldnt help it but i laughed. then 10 boys started shouting it. repeatedly. At the same time a group of 13 year old girls were playing , rock, scissors, paper. In japan everything is decided this way. Thet where playing to see who had to tell me they loved me. The class was a riot and totally out of comtrol, was excellent. Then a teacher popped her head in the door, she cant speak english so had no idea what was going on. what she saw was me interacting and having fun with the kids. she told the whole staff room, much praise, sensai mitchell.

30/04/07

Golden week.

Its a sort of holiday this week in japan. nut being japanese people still work on the tue and wed, all for Japan and all that. We went to the local park as it was so hot.

Found these guys:

Firstly this guy is insane. just walked around and stood in front of peolple, shouting "SAMBA SAMBA SAMBA" and then dancing yes you guest it the Samba. what in idiot. its not even a real mic, its a toy.

This magician guy. we had a slight debate to how old he was, i reckoned 16 and marie though 30. what do you think?

29/04/07

THE GREATEST ARCADE IN THE WORLD

Guitar Game Tokyo bus driving

Karate kick game Weightlifting game

Paddling Table tennis

28/04/07

MOUNT TAKOA

The big expedition. we planned, dont know why;to climb this big fuckoff mountain. halfway up it didnt seem like such a good idea, it was sweltering hot. Just as well we chose the difficult route up from the 5. Mmm. after an hour or so, might of been hallucinating or maybe it was the mountain airup; we reached a monkey park, strange but very true. There were a few japanese tourists there. very scabby looking things the monkeys too.

2 hours later the top after a couple of plasticy shrines and temples and statues and gift shops. we were at the top. And the worst possible thing happened, no marie didnt throw herself of the top. The heavens opened, lightning storm. it was raining so hard, it looked like the rain was coming up from the ground.

So after a 2 hour trek, to see the view, we could see nothing for the mist. we being sensible as ever, had climed the mountain in normal clothes: I had my plimsoles on and a 120 quid pair of jeans. my feet were soaked through. Every japanese person over 40 was prepared for Armageddon, they had equipment for every eventulality in their bags. Us and a handful of younger japanese hid under a temple thing, till it stopped. What a great idea that was.

Japanese candy

Fabulous
and all for 80p


SQUID LOLLY POP ANY ONE


not so fabulous

27/04/07

I have eaten lunch with the students this week instead of the teachers. who dont speak to me anyway. The students eat lunch in their classrooms. 3 students put on chef outfits hat and all then they march to this room to get the food. they then serve it on trays like in the army, except very inefficient. Seriously by the time my food got to me it must have been touched by about 10 kids, mmmmmm. The whole thing is wierd, really wierd.

I joined soccer club this week too. the kids now love me. for the people who know my novice soccer skills, you will find this real fun. I played a bit with them. and you would have thought i was pele. i could do no wrong with these kids. next day the whole school was takling about me playimg soccer. the coach even asked me for some tactical advice. to which i said i noticed the absence of a goalkeeper. he was made over.

26/04/07

Kappa.
I work in the total parody school to in Scotland. The students have these pristine uniforms. navy with brass buttons. the girls have hockey skirts and white socks. they all look so smart. the teachers are a bunch of ragged, yokel, pikey, rejects. no joke some of them wear Kappa tracksuits. One even wears one with the brand kaepa (fake kappa) jesus christ i cant take my eyes of it.

23/04/07

We paid for the movie channel in our apartment. About £7 a months not the cheapest. but it is in english unlike everything else. and you do get a free 24hour porn channel, except all genitals are fuzzed out. you can make out the penis though and folklore is true they are tiny.

21/04/07

Yokohama.

So after 3 trains and an hour and a half later we are in Yokohama, famous for its tyres. woo.

There is a huge china town, not sure if the people working in the shops and restuarants where chinese or japanese or had dirty knees they all still look the same. Finding something vegetarian was a challenge. i found prawn fried rice, the same as in scotland actually. with one huge difference called cutlery. I had chopsticks. A quick rice lesson; the japanese rice is stick so it all clumps together, easy to eat with the bits of wood. but this stuff i got was single grained. and was a nightmare. it really tok ages,. like 45 mins.

Yokohama was so spacious compared to tokyo. It was originally built by the brittish (ofcourse on the back of the silk trade. then destroyed by the americans in WW2 (ofcourse).

The worlds most unsafe car park, no idea how it works.

Highest building in Japan. was high