Fabulous
and all for 80p
SQUID LOLLY POP ANY ONE
not so fabulous
2007年4月30日月曜日
27/04/07
I have eaten lunch with the students this week instead of the teachers. who dont speak to me anyway. The students eat lunch in their classrooms. 3 students put on chef outfits hat and all then they march to this room to get the food. they then serve it on trays like in the army, except very inefficient. Seriously by the time my food got to me it must have been touched by about 10 kids, mmmmmm. The whole thing is wierd, really wierd.
I joined soccer club this week too. the kids now love me. for the people who know my novice soccer skills, you will find this real fun. I played a bit with them. and you would have thought i was pele. i could do no wrong with these kids. next day the whole school was takling about me playimg soccer. the coach even asked me for some tactical advice. to which i said i noticed the absence of a goalkeeper. he was made over.
I joined soccer club this week too. the kids now love me. for the people who know my novice soccer skills, you will find this real fun. I played a bit with them. and you would have thought i was pele. i could do no wrong with these kids. next day the whole school was takling about me playimg soccer. the coach even asked me for some tactical advice. to which i said i noticed the absence of a goalkeeper. he was made over.
26/04/07
Kappa.
I work in the total parody school to in Scotland. The students have these pristine uniforms. navy with brass buttons. the girls have hockey skirts and white socks. they all look so smart. the teachers are a bunch of ragged, yokel, pikey, rejects. no joke some of them wear Kappa tracksuits. One even wears one with the brand kaepa (fake kappa) jesus christ i cant take my eyes of it.
I work in the total parody school to in Scotland. The students have these pristine uniforms. navy with brass buttons. the girls have hockey skirts and white socks. they all look so smart. the teachers are a bunch of ragged, yokel, pikey, rejects. no joke some of them wear Kappa tracksuits. One even wears one with the brand kaepa (fake kappa) jesus christ i cant take my eyes of it.
21/04/07
Yokohama.
So after 3 trains and an hour and a half later we are in Yokohama, famous for its tyres. woo.
There is a huge china town, not sure if the people working in the shops and restuarants where chinese or japanese or had dirty knees they all still look the same. Finding something vegetarian was a challenge. i found prawn fried rice, the same as in scotland actually. with one huge difference called cutlery. I had chopsticks. A quick rice lesson; the japanese rice is stick so it all clumps together, easy to eat with the bits of wood. but this stuff i got was single grained. and was a nightmare. it really tok ages,. like 45 mins.
Yokohama was so spacious compared to tokyo. It was originally built by the brittish (ofcourse on the back of the silk trade. then destroyed by the americans in WW2 (ofcourse).
The worlds most unsafe car park, no idea how it works.
Highest building in Japan. was high
2007年4月24日火曜日
20/04/07
1st grade class. I was writing on the board , and a kid threw a rubber at me. Was funny , didn’t show it. What a brave little bastard. The teacher didn’t notice, so I picked it up and put it in my pocket. When the teacher wasn’t looking I threw it right back at him. He shat himself
19/04/07
15 year old boy: “Mitchell san you have a very beautiful face”
Mitchell san: “Ehhhh thanks” what do you say to that.
Hated the kids calling me Mitchell sensei or Mitchell san or mr Mitchell, so told them to call me Craig. Didn’t work out to great cause now am called CLAIGO.
This is ground hog day. No joke.
Every morning, the same 2 business men at the bus stop. (maybe not so weird).
I get on the train, same people every day: Old woman with a wig, a huge black school kid, a man whos breath smells like he has just eaten road kill spred with dog shit.
Then walking to school th esame pizza faced teenager cycles past. The same cars pass.
I arrive at school, just as the tea lady is putting a cup of green tea on my desk.
Clockwork every day.
MOVE OVER POT NOODLE.
Mitchell san: “Ehhhh thanks” what do you say to that.
Hated the kids calling me Mitchell sensei or Mitchell san or mr Mitchell, so told them to call me Craig. Didn’t work out to great cause now am called CLAIGO.
This is ground hog day. No joke.
Every morning, the same 2 business men at the bus stop. (maybe not so weird).
I get on the train, same people every day: Old woman with a wig, a huge black school kid, a man whos breath smells like he has just eaten road kill spred with dog shit.
Then walking to school th esame pizza faced teenager cycles past. The same cars pass.
I arrive at school, just as the tea lady is putting a cup of green tea on my desk.
Clockwork every day.
MOVE OVER POT NOODLE.
Theres a new daddy in town. These bad boys are the bomb.
Instructions
Open Part A
Remove, sauce, seasonong and curry mayo. Fill with boiling water. 
Close Part A. Remove Part B (the steam vent) wait 2 mins.
add sauce, seasoning stir dress with mayo. Chop sticks included
Taste great and all for only 40p
18/04/07
Ha entry for the 17th, I said I was lucky not to be singing “I just called to say I love you”. Today I was not so lucky. 2 classes of it. My vocal cords had been warmed up however by the hello song, sung it maybe 5 times per class of 1st years, There’s 4 classes.
Had a look through the text books, to see what else I would have to sing.
1st grade;
Old Macdonald, Please my Postman, Santa Claus is coming to town, Top of the world.
2nd grade;
You are the sunshine if my life, I just called to say I love you, Let it be, Imagine.
3rd grade; Thank you for the music, weve only just begun, I need to be in love, All I want for Christmas is you.
Had a look through the text books, to see what else I would have to sing.
1st grade;
Old Macdonald, Please my Postman, Santa Claus is coming to town, Top of the world.
2nd grade;
You are the sunshine if my life, I just called to say I love you, Let it be, Imagine.
3rd grade; Thank you for the music, weve only just begun, I need to be in love, All I want for Christmas is you.
17/04/07
When I arrived at school today, my worst fear came true, a tape recorder and a song sheet for let it be lying on the desk. Shit fuck shit shit. I had to sing it during a class, was told the students would sing so it would be ok, do you think they did. Did they hell. I said to the English teacher, do you have to sing often, he said yes I will sing; I just called to say I loved I loved you by stevie wonder. I got of lightly then, imagine singing that. I said to him, I will just sing quite, He misunderstood me and offered me his karaoke mike he had brought from home. Dear god. I declined. Then we spoke about karaoke, he said the teachers often go and I should come next time. I said I would but only if the principle sings Elvis.
No joke it has rained in Tokyo for almost 4 days solid! Apparently it gets worse.
Fell asleep on the train coming home from work, ended up way past my stop. Had no idea where I was.
No joke it has rained in Tokyo for almost 4 days solid! Apparently it gets worse.
Fell asleep on the train coming home from work, ended up way past my stop. Had no idea where I was.
16/04/07
Was hanging out with the first grade class today (13). This huge kid came up to me and in the deepest voice says hello Mitchell san I am yamamoto. Yamamoto was a colossus, absolutely massive, fat as baby rhino. So we were chatting and I asked him what sports he liked, I should of seen it coming, “sumo wrestler me”. Then he kept hanging around behind me thought he was gonna honcho me. See blog entry for the 19/03/07. basically stick 2 fingers up your ass. I wasn’t having that from baby ehonda, his fingers would probably be followed by his whole arm, imagine the power. So I stood with my back against the wall, he knew I had clocked his intensions. Ha maybe next time, or not wont be letting my guard down around him.
Have almost taught all the classes now. The kids are absolutely great so funny. They got to ask me questions anything they liked. Do you play sex, why are you so cool, do you know marimo (spherical shaped moss), what is you favourite baseball team, do you like britney spears. The list goes on.
Have almost taught all the classes now. The kids are absolutely great so funny. They got to ask me questions anything they liked. Do you play sex, why are you so cool, do you know marimo (spherical shaped moss), what is you favourite baseball team, do you like britney spears. The list goes on.
15/04/07 YOYOGI PARK
We went to a place called yoyogi park, freak city. Really look at the pictures. This is basically a place where exhibitionists and other wierdos hang out. Its also a place for different cults. Loilita Goths (french style clothes with a gothic twist) they come in male and female, but all wear dresses, Californian style (fake tan and blonde hair) ravers, rockers, and rockabilly, to name a few.
The palce is actually really cool, there is a long street about 2 km and ever 5 metres there is a band or tap dancer or trumpet player. They are not street performers, they are there to practise, as they cant practise at home.
My favorites where the rockabilly guys, they just hang out dancing to LOCK AND LOLL. One of the guys loved himself, fair play really. But can you imagine them doing that in Troncourt or on gorgie.
I felt so sorry for the guys in dresses. What a fucking shame; poor bastards. Then Marie says “yeah but they like it”. That’s the depressing part. Sad lonely boys who like to dress up as 18th century French gentry, on a Sunday afternoon; and then hang about the busiest park in the most densely populated city in the world. So people can take their photos. Shit they should just kill themselves, you cant get lower. Then I though maybe they get a weird sex kick out of it. Mmm gross. Look at the skinny guys smile. Heres a point for him if he’s reading (as if). If you spend so much time getting ready and dressing up like that, you should make the time to give your teeth a wee brush. Check how yellow they are.
The palce is actually really cool, there is a long street about 2 km and ever 5 metres there is a band or tap dancer or trumpet player. They are not street performers, they are there to practise, as they cant practise at home.
My favorites where the rockabilly guys, they just hang out dancing to LOCK AND LOLL. One of the guys loved himself, fair play really. But can you imagine them doing that in Troncourt or on gorgie.
I felt so sorry for the guys in dresses. What a fucking shame; poor bastards. Then Marie says “yeah but they like it”. That’s the depressing part. Sad lonely boys who like to dress up as 18th century French gentry, on a Sunday afternoon; and then hang about the busiest park in the most densely populated city in the world. So people can take their photos. Shit they should just kill themselves, you cant get lower. Then I though maybe they get a weird sex kick out of it. Mmm gross. Look at the skinny guys smile. Heres a point for him if he’s reading (as if). If you spend so much time getting ready and dressing up like that, you should make the time to give your teeth a wee brush. Check how yellow they are.
Ha then I wondered if they are mates that would be great, the 2 of them getting a train together. What do their parents think. Or the neighbours “ah there goes young Hoko, dressed like a 18th century French duchess” “what a boy, always up to something”.
Went into this sort of rock punk clothes shop. The guy asked if we were famous, we said no. then he told us Lordi had been in 2 days before us. And they had signed the wall. Shit if we had said we were famous we could have signed it too. We could have said we were Robson and Gerome.
Had a picnic in the park. I was in the middle of this massive biscuit, Check it out. When an announcement came over a tanoy, saying you could not eat in the park WHAT!!!!! Ignored it and
finished eating, playing the stupid foreigner.
Went into this sort of rock punk clothes shop. The guy asked if we were famous, we said no. then he told us Lordi had been in 2 days before us. And they had signed the wall. Shit if we had said we were famous we could have signed it too. We could have said we were Robson and Gerome.
Had a picnic in the park. I was in the middle of this massive biscuit, Check it out. When an announcement came over a tanoy, saying you could not eat in the park WHAT!!!!! Ignored it and
finished eating, playing the stupid foreigner. 2007年4月12日木曜日
12/04/07
Its official the kids at my school are crazy. Went and hung out with them at lunchtime today. (I have to do that stuff). They were totally mad. One little guy came up to me and gave me a pair of sunglasses to try on. When I did 30 kids went wooooooooooooooooooooooo. Then one girl said. Mr Mitchell your cool. Then they asked who my favourite singer was, they didn’t know any of the bands I like. So I asked them they said exile. Is that a singer who know???? 
They asked me again who my favourite singer was. I was totally stumped and then the Japanese English teacher came up and said some they would know. So I said Michael Jackson. So now 400 kids think, not just that I like Michael Jackson but that he is my favourite singer. Quite funny actually. Then I went to help coach the girls basket ball team. I went out and one girl shouts “mr Mitchell my boyfriend”, shit what a situation, even the Japanese teacher was laughing.
Every day at 2 the kids have sport. Until half 4. what a life. Its really professional. The baseball team had all the gear on, batting cages, the little hill for the pitcher. Training bats etc. the “soccer” team where in full strips. I was mucking about with a basketball and “shot some hoops” got one in from pretty far, luck. The whole baseball squad started cheering.
I should a picture of Marie to the maths teacher today; he said wow is she a movie star. What a man.
They asked me again who my favourite singer was. I was totally stumped and then the Japanese English teacher came up and said some they would know. So I said Michael Jackson. So now 400 kids think, not just that I like Michael Jackson but that he is my favourite singer. Quite funny actually. Then I went to help coach the girls basket ball team. I went out and one girl shouts “mr Mitchell my boyfriend”, shit what a situation, even the Japanese teacher was laughing.Every day at 2 the kids have sport. Until half 4. what a life. Its really professional. The baseball team had all the gear on, batting cages, the little hill for the pitcher. Training bats etc. the “soccer” team where in full strips. I was mucking about with a basketball and “shot some hoops” got one in from pretty far, luck. The whole baseball squad started cheering.
I should a picture of Marie to the maths teacher today; he said wow is she a movie star. What a man.
2007年4月11日水曜日
11/04/07 The karate kid
So in a Japanese school everyone does a bit of cleaning, keeps me busy caus to be honest there is only so long yo can sit at your desk and look busy. my desk is right infront of the principle and vice principle. And at the moment i actuall have nothing to do as my classes start next week. so anyway. I was doing the shoe check, they check the shoes so they know who is absent, one way to do it i guess. The vice principle turns and says to me craig san sweep the floor, sweep the floor. (he wasnt being mean just had bad english, will come that); i could hardly hide my excitement. thought i would sweep the floor for 12 hours and then he would come back and have me sanding the floor or wax on wax offin it. no such luck. i swept the floor and he didnt say another word to me the rest of the day. If I didnt have thick skin i would have a real problem here. they dont mean to be rude, infact they are not rude its just how their english comes out. yesterday the principle said to me you have no work go home. was like sound mate. but i could have taken it the wrong way.
the kids are still mental on me, its getting embaressing, i walk down the corridor and kids run out of their class to say hello, how are you. mad. the last teacher taught them so proper english that no one uses.
how are you?
I am fine, thank you. how are you.
I am fine.
Seeyou soon>
screw that, my first lesson is going to be slang greetings.
Whats happnin>
nufin.
sound. what you up tae.
just chillin.
much better
Rained today like nothing i have seen before, actually straight down. and so heavy. umberellas are the norm here. so there is no one to take the piss out of my gents umbrella.
2007年4月9日月曜日
09/04/07
First Day at School.
Was shitting myself I would be late so I left the house at 6:30 I didn’t start until 8. Need I say I got there in plenty time. The Japanese are anal about lateness. So arrived easy. Got there some took my shoes of and, well thank fuck I had my own indoor shoes this time.
Got some green tea from the sweatest oldest Japanese woman.
Today was the first day of term, so the new students for grade one were coming.
Picture the scene of the cheesiest American teen movie in the gym (basketball court), with brass band and flags ant decorations and that’s what I walked into.
I the morning I had to give an introduction to the teachers etc. the principle must of took a hard on, caus he said I should do it again to the new students. Ok not so bad bet there more nervous than me anyway.
So they walk into the gym to the tune of the brass band. What. Everyone applauds, (for 3omins), my hands were acing.
Some speeches , singing the national anthem, playing the piano. The pupils not me!!
The English teacher told me I was to do my speech to the whole gym. Fuck me talk about throwing me in at the deep end. Had been in the place for 2 hours and already I was on stage infront of 500 people (the whole school, parents, the board of education and the other teachers.) so hmm hmm, went great actually. Easy crowd. When I said Scotland they went crazy, especially the parents oh Scootlando. They cried.
Oh almost forgot when I went on the stage I had to bow to the BOE, then on the stage to the Jap flag, then to the whole room, but the best bit was when 500 people bowed to me in unison. Surreal. You could actually hear the air move.
After that 5 minutes of fame. All the teachers had to go on stage and be introduced by the principle and then applauded by the pupils. That’s the embarrassing part, I am not just saying this but mine was 10 times louder than anyone else’s.
Just a half day today.
Just before I left the maths teacher and football coach asks what I did in a sat and sun in Japan, stupidly I said not much at the moment, then I immediately thought wrong answer craigy boy. His reply confirmed my concerns “you can help with soccer club on sat and Sundays. Arghhhhhhhhhhh!
Followed by the tea lady shouting at me “you mug, You mug.” Yeah I know bitch. Then the English teacher told me, she was asking me to bring my own mug. ahh
So leaving the school, a group of kids shout “see you, See You AGAIN” yes you will at this rate every fucking day for infinity if I have more clubs.
A little further up the street and the parents were there ahh scootlando sensai. Nice too meet you.
Makes a change from waitrose. where’s the femfresh and the anusol son
Was shitting myself I would be late so I left the house at 6:30 I didn’t start until 8. Need I say I got there in plenty time. The Japanese are anal about lateness. So arrived easy. Got there some took my shoes of and, well thank fuck I had my own indoor shoes this time.
Got some green tea from the sweatest oldest Japanese woman.
Today was the first day of term, so the new students for grade one were coming.
Picture the scene of the cheesiest American teen movie in the gym (basketball court), with brass band and flags ant decorations and that’s what I walked into.
I the morning I had to give an introduction to the teachers etc. the principle must of took a hard on, caus he said I should do it again to the new students. Ok not so bad bet there more nervous than me anyway.
So they walk into the gym to the tune of the brass band. What. Everyone applauds, (for 3omins), my hands were acing.
Some speeches , singing the national anthem, playing the piano. The pupils not me!!
The English teacher told me I was to do my speech to the whole gym. Fuck me talk about throwing me in at the deep end. Had been in the place for 2 hours and already I was on stage infront of 500 people (the whole school, parents, the board of education and the other teachers.) so hmm hmm, went great actually. Easy crowd. When I said Scotland they went crazy, especially the parents oh Scootlando. They cried.
Oh almost forgot when I went on the stage I had to bow to the BOE, then on the stage to the Jap flag, then to the whole room, but the best bit was when 500 people bowed to me in unison. Surreal. You could actually hear the air move.
After that 5 minutes of fame. All the teachers had to go on stage and be introduced by the principle and then applauded by the pupils. That’s the embarrassing part, I am not just saying this but mine was 10 times louder than anyone else’s.
Just a half day today.
Just before I left the maths teacher and football coach asks what I did in a sat and sun in Japan, stupidly I said not much at the moment, then I immediately thought wrong answer craigy boy. His reply confirmed my concerns “you can help with soccer club on sat and Sundays. Arghhhhhhhhhhh!
Followed by the tea lady shouting at me “you mug, You mug.” Yeah I know bitch. Then the English teacher told me, she was asking me to bring my own mug. ahh
So leaving the school, a group of kids shout “see you, See You AGAIN” yes you will at this rate every fucking day for infinity if I have more clubs.
A little further up the street and the parents were there ahh scootlando sensai. Nice too meet you.
Makes a change from waitrose. where’s the femfresh and the anusol son
06/04/07
Went to meet the principle at my school today! Weird!! Went in had to take my shoes off then put these mad little slippers on that where 10cm too small. So my heel hung over the end. Then in the come the principle, my Japanese teaching man, and the gym teacher (fuck knows why he was there). I had to bow like a hundred times. Was told to make an introduction to the principle and was then told he didn’t speak English. So basically I could have said his mum smoked the pink cigar, didn’t! Hi my name is Craig, I am from Scotland, and I am very happy to be here in your school, felt like an idiot. Then they all spoke Japanese the three of them the guy from the board of education and the girl from my company for like 10 minutes. Probably talking about me, that’s funny how we always think that when foreigners talk foreign around us. Hey kept on making jokes with each other. Then the
y asked me about,,,,,,,,wait for it,,,,,,,,,,,,,shinuke nakamura!!!! Then asked if I would join the soccer club (don’t get paid for it) but what could I say. Then as we left the room after another hundred bows, the gym teacher came up to me and said I looked liked the waid wity wollers, the wock group, Who, ah the bay city rollers, yep cheers mate! There’s a new one to the list.
y asked me about,,,,,,,,wait for it,,,,,,,,,,,,,shinuke nakamura!!!! Then asked if I would join the soccer club (don’t get paid for it) but what could I say. Then as we left the room after another hundred bows, the gym teacher came up to me and said I looked liked the waid wity wollers, the wock group, Who, ah the bay city rollers, yep cheers mate! There’s a new one to the list. Shang a Lang!
Went to a toilet in the train station today. The cleaning sign was up so I didn’t go in. then the cleaning lady who was like 170 said or gestured that it was ok to go in. I went, she followed! I thought ok. So I waited a minute, she got something a cloth or something then walked out. So I stood at the urinal and did my stuff, (you might know how weird I am with public toilets, this did my phobia no good) half way through she came back and started to clean the urinal next to me. Talk about stage fright. Fuck me! Thought she wanted a look at what she had been missing all these years with her Japanese husband, she didn’t even acknowledge me.
Alien registration time. Had to go to the city office, filled in a form, no joke there where 6 Japanese around me trying to figure out how to speak English to me and help me. Felt like the king.
Alien registration time. Had to go to the city office, filled in a form, no joke there where 6 Japanese around me trying to figure out how to speak English to me and help me. Felt like the king.
05/04/07
Went to the Sapporo beer museum, great took 3 minutes to go round. We did however manage to sample some of the not so fine produce! 
The Sapporo beer girls, Beautiful!!! (i like the one on the end with the short hair)
Same day we went to the parasite museum, well worth the 40 min walk, if not just to see the guy who’s balls were so swollen they touched the ground when he walked.
I have written about the vending machines before, found one that was for rice by the 10 kilo bag.
Went up this huge skyscraper, the elevator was so cool. Coming down it took 2 minutes from top to bottom. The speed of it put your stomach in your heart, 2you know that feeling”
30/03/07
Moved into the flat today (spacious). What a stress to get there though 70 kilos of stuff on 3 different trains.
The greatest thing I have seen in japan so far, was at tokyu, station. We where coming back from our second attempt at Ikea. The staion is massive and probably has over 1 million commuters a day. It is so big it has the conveyer belts you stand on to walk fast, like at airports. It is also pretty close to Tokyo Disney, so full of jap kids with Mickey mouse balloons and shit. So the story goes that the conveyer belts were absolutely packed with people, so we just walked at the side (thank god) because when 1 little kid was coming of the belt at the end he tripped over his Disney bag, then his mum fell over him with his kid sister and before we/ and obviously they knew it, everyone on the belt was tripping over them. It was crazy the people couldn’t stop themselves. The look of panic on the peoples faces who were only a couple of metres away, as they knew they would be all over the floor in a couple of seconds. It was mad.
The greatest thing I have seen in japan so far, was at tokyu, station. We where coming back from our second attempt at Ikea. The staion is massive and probably has over 1 million commuters a day. It is so big it has the conveyer belts you stand on to walk fast, like at airports. It is also pretty close to Tokyo Disney, so full of jap kids with Mickey mouse balloons and shit. So the story goes that the conveyer belts were absolutely packed with people, so we just walked at the side (thank god) because when 1 little kid was coming of the belt at the end he tripped over his Disney bag, then his mum fell over him with his kid sister and before we/ and obviously they knew it, everyone on the belt was tripping over them. It was crazy the people couldn’t stop themselves. The look of panic on the peoples faces who were only a couple of metres away, as they knew they would be all over the floor in a couple of seconds. It was mad.
27/03/07
Found a vegetarian restaurant, miracle, as they are few and far between here. They served meet anyway. I got some fish, it was boiled cattlefish (sounds pretty normal), prepared in a special way. I am feeling well adventurous in Tokyo. It arrived and dear good, it was a fucking whole octopus squid head thing, sliced. It is actually called a cuttle fish, spelling mistake in the menu. Man it was disgusting, the restaurant was a bit posh (as you can see by the square plates) so felt like I had to eat it. Took some of marie’s sauce to help. It was rubbery, fishy and just wrong. I drew a line at eating the top part of the head. You maybe see why.
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